Last year, our older son, Jacob, was tested for the gifted program at his school. At the time, he didn’t fully understand why he was being pulled from class. My husband and I never explained to him that his teacher had recommended him for evaluation because we didn’t want him to feel pressured.
Weeks later, we were notified that he did not get into the program. We followed up with the gifted teacher to get general feedback and see how Jacob performed overall. She gave us great insight and broke down every aspect of Jacob’s evaluation. From there, we had a more transparent conversation with Jacob to let him know why he had been evaluated and explained the process in greater detail. We assured him that whether or not he was officially classified as a “gifted” student or not, we know that he is an incredibly smart child and that his future is bright. However, we made it clear that he would have to continue to work hard and do his part.
Fast forward to this school year. Jacob was assigned to the highest breakout group in his class. Out of the group of five boys, he was the only one who was not in the gifted program. Jacob’s teacher told us that she can tell that he is a competitive learner and that while he has consistently excelled academically, she has noticed that since she put him in this specific learning group, he was doing even better. When I followed up with Jacob about being placed in a small group with kids in the gifted program (when he was the only one who was not), he told me that he likes it. He said that it is fun being challenged to keep up with the bunch.
Peer pressure often gets a bad rep, but, as is the case with Jacob’s small group, all peer pressure is not bad peer pressure. Ideally, as parents, we can teach our kids how to tell the difference and align themselves with peers who will have a positive influence on them. We do this by stressing qualities that are favorable and pointing out behaviors our children should separate themselves from.
We teach our boys the importance of interacting with a diverse group of individuals. We can learn a lot when engaging people from various ethnicities and backgrounds. With that being said, it is still important to choose friends that value the same things that we do, like education and hard work. In addition, they should choose peers who strive to do the right thing and exhibit integrity — friends who they know will have their best interest at heart. Most importantly, they should specifically seek out kids who love the Lord and are not afraid or ashamed to show it.
Iron sharpens iron. Even as adults, when we surround ourselves with individuals who have good energy and are generally positive people; inevitably we ourselves will be elevated. Subsequently, if we choose friends who are consistently negative and repeatedly make poor decisions, they will likely bring us down. Now, is it possible that we could pull them up and have a positive impact on them? Yes. But the higher probability is that they will negatively influence us.
That’s why the circle we keep is so crucial, and we need to teach our children to be selective when they choose friends. Of course, we encourage our boys to be friendly and respectful to everyone, but the people that they consider confidants should be of the utmost character.
Ultimately, the goal is to grow together with our peers. We should challenge one another and hold each other accountable. Friends who lift us up and positively influence us are invaluable. Conversely, poor friend choices could potentially change the trajectory of our path if we allow ourselves to succumb to negative peer pressure. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” When considering friends, encourage your children to choose wisely!
Dr. Jade L. Ranger is a pharmacist at The Prescription Shoppe, a full-service pharmacy that she owns with her husband. She is mom to two boys, ages 10 and 6 years old, and the author of “Mustard Seed Mentality,” available at Amazon.com.
